Depression

Sometimes when you're left alone with your thoughts, this is what comes out....

I close my eyes

Only to feel them swell up with tears

Imagining dreams lost

Hopeless hopes

And endless fears

Never knowing if tomorrow brings happiness

Never knowing if you're in it

I suppress these feelings

But then they come back and overtake me

I float in a state of listlessness

Longing to see you

Thinking that will save me

Turning myself inside out

Waking each day with doubts

Does he love and need me too

The way I love and need him

Or is he with another

Keeping her tight next to him

My mind hurts

And my brain is numb

I'm looking for something

To help me overcome

The pain I feel when you're far away

I need to be in your arms

I need to lay where you lay

My legs are heavy and my eyes are dark

There is no feeling

No help

No spark

I just lay here thinking

If you need me the way that I need you

I'm in a haze

What the fuck am I going to do?

I can't be in this existence

Not alone...not without you....

Depression....

©Alicia Shepard 2012

Bad Habit

Ever had a habit that you enjoy so much?  Ever craved and yearned for something or someone that was bad for your health....Bad Habit was written just for those feelings....

I hate when I don't hear from you

I'm sick when I do

I'm calm after we talk

Then I wait impatiently for another hit from you

You're my bad habit

I can't get you off my mind

You're my bad habit

I just want you to be all mine

Lurking in shadows and peeking around corners

This bad habit pulls me in the pit of my stomach

I try to fight the urge

I try to ignore the feeling

But this bad habit is about to make me splurge

Into all that's bad and wrong about this love

Like running your finger over a dusty table with a white glove

This can't be wrong because it feels so right

This bad habit is causing me to have restless nights....

You're my bad habit

I don't want a.a.

I don't want a cure

I just want to indulge in you with a heart so pure.....

You're my bad habit.....

©Alicia Shepard 2012

My Muse

I have a friend that likes to confide his inner, darkest secrets.  A lot of my writing is a reflection of him...a reflection of me....enjoy...

Your eyes tell a story that only I can understand

Your heartbeat plays a rhythm that only I know how to dance to

You are my greatest inspiration

You are my hope for tomorrow and things to come

I can tell your story over and over and not one would ever sound the same

When I hold your hands I'm holding onto a lifetime of hopes, fears and regrets

You are my muse

And I can use you endlessly

You are my muse

Your story is too unique to keep secret

Your touch worries me

I want to get the story right

But you ignite feelings that I don't know how to control

I just know that a story exists

And only a muse can help bring that story together

You are my muse

So complicated and chaotic

You are my muse

So mesmerizing, so hypnotic

You amuse me with your charm

Your kiss is sweet delight

You amuse me with your words

They penetrate my mind and send me on an intellectual journey

You are my muse

Each stroke of your hand

Each thrust of our love dance

Keeps me engaged and in tune

To all that's you....

You are my muse...

©Alicia Shepard 2012